- job interviewer: where do you see yourself in 10 years?
- me: most likely dead not that it matters because life is a never ending downward spiral of misery and suffering, has no meaning, and there is no god
- job interviewer: ok
- 16 year old child: mom, dad: I'm gay/lesbian/bi/pan
- Straight parents: you're too young to know what your sexuality is! It's just a phase.
- Baby boy: *stares at a baby girl for no reason other than the fact that babies stare at everything*
- Straight parents: oooh! Ladies man! We're gonna have to keep the girls offa you!
How mom reacts when it starts to rain
"THE LAUNDRY! GET THE LAUNDRY!!"